“Packing” is a dirty, dirty word.
I have long since suspected as much.
This word encapsulates many horrible unmentionables, which I shall mention for you now.
One of these involves something called “Stripping the Bed," which loosely translates as “an action that removes any possible feeling of homeliness from your room."
One is called “Emptying Drawers," which often goes hand in hand with a rising feeling of nausea and dread.
Another involves placing suitcases around willy-nilly, and staring at them mournfully.
Many people play up-tempo music while Packing in an attempt to disguise its repulsive nature. This never works, and often results in a lasting hatred for the music itself.
I have noticed this word used in tandem with another equally dirty phrase, that being “Saying Goodbye."
Saying Goodbye is an action very similar to leaping off a very tall diving board into a pool, if that pool was actually a 3inch thick sheet of ice and not a pool at all.
I have found that Saying Goodbye often leaves me depleted of sodium; it all tends to run down my face.
This is very inconvenient when you have a beard, mostly because it contradicts any form of masculinity that you may have been giving off up until that point.
Saying Goodbye is something I try to do as infrequently as possible. Though for some reason, it keeps happening to me.
I don’t like it very much. It makes my heart feel like someone is trying to make freshly squeezed orange juice out of it.
Packing and Saying Goodbye both fall under an extremely slippery category called “Change."
Change is apparently extremely necessary for “Growth” and is even considered good for you in some cultures.
I find Growth to be overrated, and think that Change tastes like dirty pennies, which is ironic, don’t you think?
After all, it’s because of Growth that I no longer fit into the clothes at "Please Mum Inc." which is very inconvenient for me and also very sad.
However, all of these stupid, smelly words are apparently necessary if you want to do things like “Have a Career” and “Someday Support a Family” and my personal favorite, “Do What You Love."
And if you never Say Goodbye, you never get to have adventures.
And if you don’t Pack before you Say Goodbye, then you won’t be fully prepared for all your adventures and you might forget things like your hat with flowers on it or your toothbrush or your Winnie the Pooh blanket.
These are all important things.
If I’d never Said Goodbye because I was afraid of Change and didn’t like Growth, then I’d be a very short, boring person who’d never even seen what New York City looks like.
And I never would have met you, which would be very sad indeed.
So I guess I’ll just have to keep using all of these words.