The idea of expending all the energy it takes to clearly describe one's thoughts is intimidating.
There always seem to be too many ideas to put down all at once.
The inspiration to write never coincides with a day that I have time to actually do so...
And so on and so forth.
I've decided to break this habit by seizing this current flicker of creativity and wrestling it deftly to the ground without a shadow of hesitation. I may have checked my facebook 4 times and spent 10 minutes carefully selecting the perfect blogging soundtrack before executing this swift manoeuvre...but the point is, after a 3 month hiatus, I'm writing again.
Anyways, despite my slightly flippant introduction, the point that I would like to wax poetical on is actually quite a genuine one. If you were expecting something cynical, stop reading now.
I recently was fortunate enough to have my mother and youngest sister come to visit me for a week. They had a really lovely trip that they seemed to thoroughly enjoy, and I think that we accomplished everything that they wanted to by being here with me. Predictably, as soon as I had seen them off to the airport and stepped back into my apartment, I was immediately struck by that leaden hammer of heartache that pounds home whenever I have to say goodbye to my family. However this time, I felt a new feeling creep to the surface.
I am blessed to be able to lead the life that I do in New York, but it comes with the hefty price of being away from my family eleven months out of twelve. While separated from them, I am constantly aware of the effects that this distance has on both them and me, yet once reunited, it suddenly becomes easy to take their presence for granted.
I believe that the crux of this issue is directly applicable to my life on an even broader spectrum. How often do I waltz through experiences and opportunities in a daze, only afterwards realizing what I have missed? It seems as though my hindsight is consistently sharper than the eyes I use every day. I waste so much time taking things for granted while they happen, and then regretting afterwards that I did not make the most of them when they did. In a fast-paced life style, the moments of clarity that allow me to really take a minute and be grateful and joyful for what I have are far and few between.
When those moments do come however, they crash over me like an icy wave, drenching me with an ocean of euphoria and gratitude. I had one of those moments yesterday, as I sat in my red plush seat at the August Wilson Theatre, the first strains of Jersey Boys tumbling towards me from the stage. Next to me were two of my favourite people in the world. In that moment, I was overwhelmed by a feeling of happiness and sincere appreciation so intense that it brought tears to my eyes. In that split second, I was not taking anything for granted.
I don't know how to allow these flashes of clear-sightedness to come more often.
I wish that I did.
I wish that I could take the feeling that I had in the theatre with my mum and sister and never let it go.I wish that I could savour every moment of a life that is filled with people who I adore, in a place that inspires me on an almost daily basis.
I'm sure that if I could, I would be a much less sarcastic person...
Until next time reader(s).